Couples & Relational Therapy
Thank you for your interest in couples therapy. If you would like to schedule an initial consult, please feel free to call or email me directly, or you can click over to the scheduling page to request a consult time that works for you. For more information on couples therapy and what to expect, feel free to read more below.
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy is for couples at all stages of relational health and happiness. Many couples find benefit in third-party support when it comes to navigating difficult or potentially hurtful conversations. Couples therapy offers an opportunity for each person in a partnership to feel heard, express their voice, and gain clarity and understanding.
I work with couples to help facilitate healthy communication and self-expression, and improve understanding in the partnership. While I will occasionally help with ideas in the course of problem-solving, the intention is to help you as a couple come away from sessions together feeling more empowered to communicate around and continue to solve problems independently of me as a therapist.
Why is talking to my partner so hard sometimes?
We all carry different experiences of what happens when we speak up, raise our voice, ask for something that we want, or dare to dream of a better outcome for ourselves; some of us have the experience of being supported and encouraged, while others of us have the experience of being ridiculed, silenced, or even physically, sexually, or psychologically abused. These experiences impact our comfort level in expressing and asking for what we want and need, and guide us to different types of self-protection strategies. Some of us puff our chests up and get loud to intimidate others, some of us collapse into a puddle to elicit pity and care, some of us go stony-silent, some of us create upheaval and chaos to regain control, and some of us go to logic and reasoning, as just a few examples. When we can understand better what we are doing and learn to recognize our patterns with some humility and grace, we create space to make the incremental changes that can help us to improve our relating.
What can couples therapy help with?
Couples therapy can help to navigate the challenging patterns that inhibit healthy communication and the free flow of love and appreciation in a relationship. Drawing on the work of Gottman theory and David Richo, I teach simple strategies and practices to help bring more love and affection to your partnership, or to help bring more honesty if the arrangement you need is something different.
Contrary to individual therapy, in couples therapy, the couple is the client and the dynamics within the couple are what we will be looking to explore and bring greater health to. Individual experience is valuable and honored and will be included as well to the extent that it is supporting the relating process for both participants. Occasionally, a referral to individual therapy may be a helpful adjunct to couples therapy, and is something we can discuss.
What to expect in therapy
To begin therapy, the first step is to have a brief consult call to discuss what you’re looking for and assess fit. You can schedule that here or call or email me. This initial call will be 15-20 minutes, for us to get to know one another a bit, and explore what you’re looking to get out of therapy. Only one partner is required for the initial phone consult, but both are welcome to attend.
Next, we will schedule a first appointment, at a pre-established rate. I will send you some paperwork in advance, in order for us to dive right in at your first appointment into what’s going on for you and your partner. Provided you wish to continue working together, I request that initial sessions take place weekly for at least the first three months, before we determine whether to move to a more sporadic schedule. That said, all of this is up for discussion at anytime and voicing your needs is encouraged.
Weekly sessions revolve around what is often known as “talk therapy,” or conversational exchange to assess what is happening with each partner and in your relationship. I will also offer some models of healthy relating and different ways of conceptualizing and practicing healthy relating that may be helpful so that you and your partner can explore what works for you and agree on practices to implement at home. Clients sometimes come in skeptical about the usefulness of this process - I welcome any expression of skepticism or uncertainty along the way, and encourage you to assess for yourself whether therapy is a process you find beneficial.
We can continue to work together as long as you like, provided you are finding benefit in the process. I will periodically check in to see how you think things are going, and what you might wish to focus on if it seems we are plateauing. My goal is to ensure that our time together is intentional and worthwhile for you, even if sometimes that means starting session unsure of what you want to talk about and being open to what might arise spontaneously.
I look forward to hearing from you if this sounds like a potential fit!
(323) 688-6771 // hello@nicpas.com